Food -- Who Decides When I Eat?

You can see my bowls. They don't sit on the rug anymore, now they sit on a funny green thing that sticks to the floor and makes sure the bowls don't move when I eat out of them. Do you see what my food bowl says? It says MORE FOOD. (please).

Here's the thing. When humans want food, they get it for themselves. I can only ask. I ask nicely by raising my paw. When I want to make Mom laugh, I talk to her in Akita talk [Mom: that's a sort of wooo noise that changes in pitch as she "says" it]. Sometimes Mom gives me a treat, sometimes she says no. No??? NO??? Do you see the unfairness here?

My food and treats are in containers I can't open because I do not have thumbs. I only get food if a human gives it to me. Usually that human is Mom. But lately she's been taking my dinner away if I don't eat it right away. Well, maybe I'm not hungry when she fills the bowl. Maybe I like to dine later. (My bfdf Lennon says that dining later is sofistikated, and only pesants eat early, so there, Mom!) But if I don't eat before she starts watching night TV, she takes it away. I can't get it.

I have a list of demands. I want a bowl that makes food come out whenever I want it. I want a treat container that I can open myself whenever I want it. I want lots of different kinds of treats: crunchy bones, chewy bacons, sausages, cheezes, swet taters [that's po-tay-toes...] ALL of them.. Whenever I want. If I don't get that, then I won't give kisses, let Mom brush me, or sit by her. I want my food when I want it, not just when she wants to give me it.

Truly, Humans, don't you think that's fair? It is MY food, after all. Woof!

[Note from Mom: I am a softie, and almost always give her a treat, or two, when she wants them -- except when she hasn't eaten the food in her bowl. If she eats dinner after 7:00, then she wants out about 11:00, when I'd rather be sleeping. So I don't feel totally unfair. But I am considering one of those self-feeding tower things... but not for treats, just for food! Too many treats, and she'll be as fat as I am!]

Snow Is Gone!!!

Hello Human Readers, and dog readers too! I sory I not write for so long, but Mom is always on the typey thing. She say she writes Novel, like a long story. I only has short stories, but I can't get to typey thing, then she turn it off and no more light and we go to bed. (I pretend I sleep on couch, but when Mom asleep, I go in and gard her!) [like I didn't know that, says Mom. Kimiko snores] (not so much as Mom snores, so ther)

Anyways, I am not happy. All my snow is gone. All the human people seem happy, and those pesky birds are back and steel my fur that I leave around my yard to make it mine. No snow to roll in. No snow to flip with my snoot. No snow to rub my face in. And if that is not bad enuf for snow dog, now it RAIN! On my HEAD! I hate rain. It make me all wet. Almos as bad as a baff. Mom never gives me baff at home; she takes me for a long car ride (and I good in car; I just pant a little) and then leads me in to that place. I don't like the baff and the brush, but the human lady is real nice and she speaks dog way better than Mom does. Sometimes Mom doesn't unnerstand me. [Mom says, yes I do, but after the second treat, I'm not going to give Kimiko any more!]

Only one good fing about snow all gone. I go for more walks now. Remember Caryn my bff? Her Mom and Dad come take me for long walks. I love her Mom and try to give her face kisses, but she doesn't like those like my Mom does. I'm a little scared of her Dad because he is man and very very big. But yesterday -- no, day before? I forget. Anyways, he come by himself. I kiss his fingers through fence, but I bark a little too. He says nice things. Then my Mom comes out with my walking clothes! [Mom: harness and leash] I think Mom and the Dad take me for walk, and that good; they dress me and we start to walk, then I see Mom not there -- just the Dad! Oh no. I a little scared, but only a little because I am BIG Akita and Akitas are brave. The Dad walks very fast like I do. My Mom is slow, but that's OK. I teach her faster. We have short walk, the Dad and Kimiko, then he brings me home and I drinks all my water, make Mom give me Snosage [Snausages] and I eat it up and take a nap. Has I said that naps are good? you should take one!!!

But I misses my snow. Soon it will be hot, and I will be inside where it be cool. I don't like hot. My head has black fur and it gets real hot and I don't like that at all. Inside better in summer; it be cool. I like cool. Mostly I like COLD, but I am Akita, and Akita is Snow Dog!

Bye now, my Mom comes back!
Kimiko

I Saved My Mom's Life

Some many days ago, I saved my mom's life. OK, the story reely starts a longer time ago, even before the last snow time. Mom likes to "teach me tricks." She doesn't understand that I already know how to do everything, even type on this typey thing, but it makes her happy to think she can teach me, so I pretend. Besides, I get treats when I play along.

So she teached me to bring her that thing she holds up to her face and talks with. She calls it the fone. I don't like the box thing it sits on because it makes horrible noises, so I won't get the fone when the noises happen. But when the bigger thing is quiet, I don't mind. First Mom teached me to set my front paws on the wood box that the fone box sits on [Mom note: it's the stereo cabinet]. Like I don't know how to put my front paws on thing! I am laffing on inside. Has Mom not see me stand up with my front paws on the fence top in my yard? She think I'm stupid? I think I get lots of yummy little chewy treats when I "learn" to put my front paws on wood thing! Then she put fone in my mouth and says, "Good Kimi!" and then takes it out and gives me more treats. I let her do this a bunch of times, so I get a bunch of treats, then I do it myself, and Mom is SO happy. I am laffing again! Then she backed away and says "Kimi, bring Mama the fone." I look at her. She says again, "Bring Mama the fone! Good Kimi!" So I do, and I get lots of pets and cuddles. We do this for many days. Lots of treats for me! then she put some boxes and things in front of wood thing, so I can't do fone trick anymore for a while.

But then some days ago she got up from our couch, and walked a few steps, and fell down. This scared me because Mom doesn't fall down. I licked her face and she opened her eyes. She looked confused, and that scared me too. (How do I get treats when she's confused? No, really, I love Mom more than anybody!) I lick her again. She try to move, and it looked like she hurt. She said, "Kimi, good girl, bring Mama the fone!" So I do. I drop it in her hand. She talk into it. Then she said, "Kimi, help Mama to the couch!" So I bent down a little bit so she could put her arm over me, and I helped her to the couch. She was not standing on her feet, though. She had one arm on me and one front paw on the floor, and her knees on the floor. Kimiko worries. After some time Mom talk on the fone again, then soon Aunt Shari comes. She doesn't knock so I don't have to bark for her; that's good because I don't think Mom wanted barks. Aunt Shari gived me a peanut treat (and thank you to readers who told Mom to buy them! they my FAVORITE treat!) and took Mom away. After a long, long LONG time she brought Mom home. Mom smelled really funny; it was a strong smell that made my nose hurt. Mom says it is antisectic, I think [Mom note: antiseptic. Probably from all the alcohol prep wipes for drawing blood, running an IV, and putting sticky things on me to do an EKG].

Aunt Shari put me out and when I came in there was food and water in my bowls and Mom was in bed. Aunt Shari said I was a good girl and maybe saved Mom's life. Mom told me I was the best dog in the world -- then I rooed because she said it wrong -- so she said I was the best AKITA in the world, because I know all Akitas are better than other dogs [Mom note: OK, so she's breedist -- she can't help it...]. I'm happy because Mom is home now, although she had to go away one afternoon after that and came back smelling funny again. [Mom note: IV iron; she could probably scent the additional iron in my blood, although I couldn't]

So I saved my Mom's life. Every big dog should learn to bring fone to their moms. Even some little dogs can probably do it. If I'd known she was going to fall, I would have stood in front of her so she could fall on me and not get all funny colored like her side is now. But she said she wasn't really going to die, it's just ameemeea? [Mom note: anemia... sigh... she can type but she's not the world's best speller. but then, she is an Akita.] But I still think that if I had not brought her the fone, she would have died right then. I was asleep when she falled, but it woke me right up so I could save her.

I've been getting more treats since then, and when she walks in the house I make sure I'm right beside her in case she decides to fall again. I don't want her to be hurt. She's the bestest Mom EVER, especially since she bought more peanut treats.

Bye for now!

Napping and Not Playing

Napping is good. I am lucky that Mom naps so much and doesn't expect me to entertain her all the time. I am Akita; we do not fetch. After as long as we've been together [note from Mom: almost 6 years] you would think Mom would get that. But no. She still throws things. I tell her, get it yourself, YOU threw it. But she won't. So it sits wherever it lands. Silly human.

Much as I love naps, there is one thing I do not like. That is when Mom takes a picture of me when I nap. Is NOTHING sacred? My nap time is ALL mine. And no, I do not chase "bunnies" in my sleep. What? Am I a Retriever? NO. I am an Akita. I chase Sunbears in my sleep. And that's hard work. So don't bother me with that camera thing!

Another thing. Apparently no one who reads this told Mom to buy me peanut treats. I have been raising my paw over and over -- which everyone knows, or should know, means I WANT A PEANUT -- but no. I get biscuits. Or those nasty things she calls "cookies." I spit them out. SHE eats cookies, but they taste nothing like what she gives me. (How do I know? I took one, of course. I am, after all, dog.) So please, please humans who read -- tell Mom to BRING ME PEANUTS. They are my favoritests. Although those bacony things are pretty good too. But if I eat more than one, bad things may happen.

When Mom picked me up from camp (I don't know where she was, but she smelled kind of like a child, kind of like another dog, and a lot like Aunt Shari...) she took me home, and I was my very cutestest, so she gave me three of the bacony chewy things [note from Mom: Beggin' Strips, but I don't make her beg. She is, after all, a dignified Akita, mostly...]. They tasted really really good. Then she took me to the groomer. Oh, what a horrible place! They put me in water! I thought I would melt! Then the lady -- who is really really nice, except for putting me in water -- put me on the table and started brushing my beautiful coat. Then my tummy started making noises. Then something very bad happened. I [Note from MOM: I am censoring the rest of this paragraph. You don't need, or want, to know. Let me just say that both Kimiko and I were mortified.]

When I came home I took some of the toys I like -- the kind I chew on, and Mom doesn't throw -- and hid them so that Mom would never, ever find them. I don't play with them. I just chew them. I hope Mom had as much fun wherever she was as I did at camp, playing with the big dogs. Ooh, and the howly things happened outside again some days ago and Mom came under the table with me again [note: civil defense warning for tornado that fell apart before it reached us. Plenty of rain and some small hail, though, and 70 mph winds.] I let her stay because she was scared. Silly Mom. Nothing happened.

I really hid my chew things well. I'm not even quite sure where they are. I'm sure I'll find them though. WOOF for now!
Kimiko the Akita

Noises at Night

The other night Mom made me come inside earlier than I wanted to. She said it would rain. I know rain; it makes me wet. I do not like to be wet, so I went in. Suddenly the ceiling started making loud sounds. Mom said it was just heavy rain. Then a bright light lit up my room and then there was a big bang. I do not like big bangs so I went under the table to my den.

Mom laughed at me and said if you hear the big bang, then you're safe. (Humans lie. Have I said that before? Dogs do not lie.) The banging continued, then the lights inside turned dark. Then there was a big howling noise outside. I don't know what made it; it wasn't a dog. It was a big howl. [note from Mom: it was the civil defense warning; it should have signalled a tornado. There wasn't a tornado, but with the power out, I didn't know that.] Mom went to the stairs that go down to the dark place and called for me to come. I did not go to her. I do not like stairs that go down, and I do not like the dark place. I stayed under my table in my den.

The howling continued, and Mom came and got under the table with me. She said something like if we were going to go we'd go together. I don't know where she thought we'd go in the rain. Humans. I laughed a little at her, too; she called me scared, but there she was in my den! I let her stay in my den. I don't usually, because it is MY place, but she was scared, and she's Mom. So I let her stay until all that outside howling stopped. Then the lights came back on, and Mom went back to the couch.

I just have to say that I am not the chicken in this house. Or at least, I am not the ONLY chicken. So there.

[Note: I have no pictures of my den. So that's a picture of me finding food.]

Treats for People, Treats for Dogs

Yesterday, or maybe the day before, -- I don't know. Humans count time funny, especially when they sleep a lot. Anyway Mom drove away and came back with plastic sacks of things that smelled good, although they did not smell like the sacks from the dog store. (And I tell her that she must use cotton totes and not leave them hanging by back door, but does she listen to Kimiko? Well, she listens, but sometimes she does not understand. Stupid humans say they know so many languages but they don't know dog.) Anyway, she took some things out of the bag and put them in the really big white box that has cold inside it, and she put some fruit in her fruit bowl. (I do not like fruit. Not at all. Except bananas. Bananas are good.)She put the long box with cans in it on the floor, because there was already one in the cold box. She likes those cans but they get bubbles in my nose, so I let her keep them. She had a bunch of bags of things that I am sure are treats, I can smell it, one smelled cheesy and one smelled chocolatey, and one smelled, hmm, I don't have a word. But good. And a clear thing that had big round treats in it. I thought those might be for me, but no.

Finally she pulled out a box. She said that it had treats for me. She opened the box and gave one to me. It's in that silly shape that humans think look like bones. Humans must be really stupid because Mom has given me real cow bones in the past and they don't look at all like the treats. Anyway, it was good but it was really small. I asked her for another and she said that since they were for medium dogs, and I am a LARGE dog (in CHARGE dog) she could give me another one. So I took it under my big table and ate it (I ate the first one on the couch). They are OK, but they are not as good as the peanut treats from the dog store. I asked her and asked her for the peanut treats, and she held out another from the box. I did not take it. She asks me how I feel. I feel hungry for a PEANUT treat, I say. Hmmm, she hmmms. She does not get it. I must type her a shopping list.

Then Mom sat on the couch -- MY couch -- and had one of the big round treats. I asked her to share with me, but she said it had chocolate in it and chocolate is bad for dog. I think humans lie, even my mom. How can something smell so good and be bad? It must be good. She ate it all. Not a crumb for Kimiko. Then she wiped my face because she said I drool. What does she expect when she eats good treats in front of me and doesn't give me one too? It is so unfair. I keep her company, I protect her when she sleeps, I scare away the bad people who walk by our yard, I protect her from people who try to come in -- I deserve many treats! But she does nothing but sit at this typey thing. And sometimes takes me for walks. Walks are good. But sometimes she brushes me. Brushing is bad. And sometimes she takes me to dog doctor. That is bad place so I pee on it. So there. I am good dog. She buys her typey self lots of bags of treats, and only one box of boring for me. This is not fair!

BTW, Some of my fans ask how I, Dog, can type. I hold pencil in my mouf and hit the letters with it. I am slow, but I type good, don't I? It's really hard to type the BIG letters, but there is a box that MAKES ALL LETTERS BE BIG LIKE THIS. pretty cool, huh?

I go now. I think Mom left a treat on the coffee table. Anything on that table is fair game. She better buy me peanut treats soon. If you read this, please tell my Mom to buy me PEANUT TREAT. No stupid bone. Not the dog cookie things. Blech. OK, I eat them because I like food, but I don't like them as much as PEANUT TREAT. OK, Bye. WOOOF. Kimiko

Weather Wonders

I really don't understand why some days are so nice, and some days are awful. Why is it that some days are nice and cold, and I can rub my face in the snow, and toss it around with my nose (Mom calls it my "snoot." I don't want to know what that means because I think it's not nice; she laughs when she says it. Grrrr.) And ROLL in the snow. Some days snow comes down from the sky, or from down the street, and it lands on my fur and I become all white. I love these days.

Some days water comes down from the sky. Look, I am a dog, I have to go outside. I wouldn't go out when water is coming down if I didn't have to. Sometimes there's no water when Mom puts me out, and then I guess she forgets where I am, and water comes down, and I wait and wait and wait, and get wetter and am sure I'm going to melt, and then she runs out and pretends to care, and says "Poor soggy doggy!" then lets me in and rubs me with a towel. Like THAT makes me feel better.

Other days there is no snow and no water. Some of them are cool, and sometimes it's hard to see the sun, and I like those days. Even if you can see the sun I get a lot of shade from the big trees by the street, and I like being outside. I can bark at people I don't know and let them know that Kimiko the Akita is watching them, so they better behave or I might BITE them (if I could figure out how to get out of my fence. But I feel safer in my fence; only Mom knows how to get in. And Caryn who walks me; Caryn knows too. And Caryn's Mom. But that's all.)

But some days there is sun and no clouds and it is HOT. I do not like being hot. I am an Akita and Akitas are SNOW DOGS. We are not hot weather dogs like Chihuahuas who come from Mexico. I think. Anyway, Akitas don't like hot. We like cool. Mom has this thing that makes cool air come up from the floor in the kitchen on hot days. It comes up from some other places too, but the kitchen is best because I can lay all over the floor and be cool. (Note from Mom: she means "lie." Dogs have trouble with "lay" and "lie." And she really does lie ALL OVER the kitchen floor; it's small, and she's large.) And if Mom keeps my water bowl full, it gets nice and cool too, and I can have big drinks and make water go ALL over the floor. Then Mom has to find those papery things. I laugh, but I do it quietly so she doesn't know.

I don't understand why Mom can't make the all the days be nice and cool, or have snow and no water from the sky. She brings food. She makes it be dark at bedtime. Why can't she make it cool outside, like she can inside? Maybe she likes it hot. But when it's hot, she stays inside. I love to walk, but not when water is falling and not when it's hot. And not when the air hits me hard and fluffles my coat. Blech. GRRRR.

If you read this and you know my Mom, tell her I want more cold days, please.

WOOF!