Yesterday, or maybe the day before, -- I don't know. Humans count time funny, especially when they sleep a lot. Anyway Mom drove away and came back with plastic sacks of things that smelled good, although they did not smell like the sacks from the dog store. (And I tell her that she must use cotton totes and not leave them hanging by back door, but does she listen to Kimiko? Well, she listens, but sometimes she does not understand. Stupid humans say they know so many languages but they don't know dog.) Anyway, she took some things out of the bag and put them in the really big white box that has cold inside it, and she put some fruit in her fruit bowl. (I do not like fruit. Not at all. Except bananas. Bananas are good.)She put the long box with cans in it on the floor, because there was already one in the cold box. She likes those cans but they get bubbles in my nose, so I let her keep them. She had a bunch of bags of things that I am sure are treats, I can smell it, one smelled cheesy and one smelled chocolatey, and one smelled, hmm, I don't have a word. But good. And a clear thing that had big round treats in it. I thought those might be for me, but no.
Finally she pulled out a box. She said that it had treats for me. She opened the box and gave one to me. It's in that silly shape that humans think look like bones. Humans must be really stupid because Mom has given me real cow bones in the past and they don't look at all like the treats. Anyway, it was good but it was really small. I asked her for another and she said that since they were for medium dogs, and I am a LARGE dog (in CHARGE dog) she could give me another one. So I took it under my big table and ate it (I ate the first one on the couch). They are OK, but they are not as good as the peanut treats from the dog store. I asked her and asked her for the peanut treats, and she held out another from the box. I did not take it. She asks me how I feel. I feel hungry for a PEANUT treat, I say. Hmmm, she hmmms. She does not get it. I must type her a shopping list.
Then Mom sat on the couch -- MY couch -- and had one of the big round treats. I asked her to share with me, but she said it had chocolate in it and chocolate is bad for dog. I think humans lie, even my mom. How can something smell so good and be bad? It must be good. She ate it all. Not a crumb for Kimiko. Then she wiped my face because she said I drool. What does she expect when she eats good treats in front of me and doesn't give me one too? It is so unfair. I keep her company, I protect her when she sleeps, I scare away the bad people who walk by our yard, I protect her from people who try to come in -- I deserve many treats! But she does nothing but sit at this typey thing. And sometimes takes me for walks. Walks are good. But sometimes she brushes me. Brushing is bad. And sometimes she takes me to dog doctor. That is bad place so I pee on it. So there. I am good dog. She buys her typey self lots of bags of treats, and only one box of boring for me. This is not fair!
BTW, Some of my fans ask how I, Dog, can type. I hold pencil in my mouf and hit the letters with it. I am slow, but I type good, don't I? It's really hard to type the BIG letters, but there is a box that MAKES ALL LETTERS BE BIG LIKE THIS. pretty cool, huh?
I go now. I think Mom left a treat on the coffee table. Anything on that table is fair game. She better buy me peanut treats soon. If you read this, please tell my Mom to buy me PEANUT TREAT. No stupid bone. Not the dog cookie things. Blech. OK, I eat them because I like food, but I don't like them as much as PEANUT TREAT. OK, Bye. WOOOF. Kimiko
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